Rev. Ellen Wolf-Muhleck, Anam Cara
Working the night shift as an RN, on my own for the first time at age 20, was very challenging for me. It was the first time I ever questioned… my faith; my nursing skills; my confidence in what I had thought to be my life’s purpose: to be a healer.
All that I had known was being called into question. What got me through all that time was going into the hospital’s interfaith chapel each night at the beginning and ending my shift. Carved into the front wall of the chapel was the gilded text of the 23rd Psalm. It brings tears to my eyes even now when I remember how much reading those words in the lonely silence comforted me.
At the end of that first year, I just know it was Spirit-led, that I decided to travel to the West Coast of Ireland. Having roughly mapped out a plan, I traveled there alone. It was an awesome pilgrimage of discovery! My sense of Divine presence deepened as I connected with the rugged power of the cliffs at the edge of the Atlantic and walked the quiet, solitary countryside seeing sheep roam the stone- bordered green pastures of rolling hills. Visiting the sacred ruins, drinking from the holy wells, and learning the history of the land all helped me to connect with my Celtic soul. I have come to realize that going to Ireland began to move me from the dogma of my childhood religion to beginning to develop a deep connection with Spirit that has continued to grow over the years.
I worked in different areas of nursing the next several years, drawn to learning and working with others in wellness and psycho/spiritual healing. Eventually I met and married my husband Bill. Shortly thereafter, we moved to Florida. I was reluctant to leave the Northeast with family and friends, yet, in my heart, I knew it was time for change.
Elle & late husband Bill
In the early 90s we set out for a vacation in Scotland that included staying on a sheep farm. Inspired by that experience, my husband and I moved to a little farm and raised a few sheep. I must admit I was more than a bit skeptical about raising sheep in Florida “for fun” for obvious reasons, which included both of us having lived only in the city. But caring for the sheep turned out to be a life-altering experience for us both. Once again, I was deeply connected with nature. This time, it was through witnessing and participating in the transformation of these wild sheep, who eventually ate out of our hands. I shared in the live delivery of one of the lambs and the stillbirth of another. We worried as our pond dried up and then saw it come to life again when the rains finally returned.
All these cycles of life mirrored the changes I was going through in my professional life. I discovered the more subtle layers of changes that were happening. I became aware that more was going on within. In my work life and home life encounters, I was touching on the interior/mystical aspect of what was happening more than the logical/linear/external change.
Becoming a shepherdess had connected me in a deeper way of connecting within myself, with those I was serving, and with The Divine. I was drawing on the simple yet profound blessing of comfort I had always found in the 23rd Psalm… I came to vividly experience both personally and professionally that peace and harmony are not static one-shot deals that I can orchestrate. Life is a recurrent spiral of embracing, learning from whatever the outcome, and letting go to ready for the next lesson. There is so much in life that is beyond my possible understanding and control.
Surrendering to The Good Sheppard, going into Mother Nature, is what grounds me in the midst of my life’s changes. In those long nights when I couldn’t sleep, I would go out to the paddock with our sheep. I would feel safe sitting by the sacred moonlight, allowing myself to struggle with and wonder about what new path I was to take at that point in my life. It was during that time that I became a Religious Science Minister. My ministry led me for the next 15 years to serve as a health care chaplain, the last seven of which was as a hospice chaplain. And now in this cycle of my life, all those experiences have prepared me to be an Anam Cara today.
